A Broken Heart

Yesterday in Relief Society, the lesson was given by our Relief Society President. I always enjoy her lessons and this one was no different. It was titled "Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit." When Jesus Christ was crucified, that stopped sacrifice by the shedding of blood. Today, we are to offer a different kind of sacrifice to the Lord. Doctrine and Covenants 59:8 "Thou shalt offer a sacrifice unto the Lord thy God in righteousness, even that of a broken heart and a contrite spirit." She shared with us a conversation she had with her son about what having a broken heart means. Her son suggested that having a broken heart was not having your heart so sad that it is in pieces, but rather that it is more like the term "breaking in a horse." That is to say, having a broken heart means that we are more willing to follow the Master. That we are more connected to His ways. That we will do His will. And how do we do this? It's a daily process. Some days are going to be better than others. We're never going to get to the point where we can just glide along, though. If we think we can start to glide, that's pride entering in again. And pride is a sin. "When you think you can do something on your own - that's pride."

Have you ever thought of the human heart as a symbol of Christ? Well, she did. Our heart pumps the healing blood throughout our bodies, just as Jesus Christ, our spiritual heart, pumps healing throughout our spirits.

She showed us a picture of a painting that the artist intentionally put a razor slash through the canvas. The artist was revered with his foresight that what was inside the canvas was just as important as what was on it. And that got her to thinking, "The stuff that we go through in our pains is how we grow." The hurt we feel is what gets us to come back to Jesus. We need humility.

And I totally agree with her. The first time in my life when I felt the healing impact of the atonement in my life was when I mourned for the loss of my baby Xadie. In March of 2003 I was ecstatic. My braces came off - after 5.5 years. My crowns and bridges were installed in my mouth. And we found out that I was pregnant for a second time! I felt my pregnancy was going well, although I kept measuring small at the appointments and had some terrible back aches. At 18 weeks, my midwife was beginning to doubt my surety of when I got pregnant and said that if I didn't grow by the next appointment, we'd have to do an ultrasound. At 22 weeks, she couldn't detect a heartbeat using the dop-tone. After searching my abdomen for several minutes, she left to get the doctor who would help in doing the ultrasound. I was at this appointment alone - Sabrina was at a friend's house and Ryan was working - it was supposed to be a routine 15 minute appointment. I said a prayer in the exam room, asking for courage to be able to handle whatever I was about to be told. The ultrasound showed that the baby's heart had stopped beating. My midwife commented to me how calm I was with this news. I told her that I had faith in Jesus Christ. Through his atonement, I could be made whole. Even at the follow up appointments I had with her, she said how impressed she was with my outlook and demeanor. I had the hardest time singing the sacrament hymns for months afterward, even though I shortly afterward got pregnant with Roderic, because I was crying about the love Jesus has for me. Those hymns so beautifully portray the love of our Savior. And without the pain of losing baby Xadie, I would have missed out.

Our Relief Society President ended her lesson with a poem by Jane Mead, titled "Passing a Truck Full of Chickens at Night on Highway Eighty." Since I haven't contacted the author to ask permission to post it on my blog, I'm going to send you here to read it.